Thursday, February 24, 2005
I do have my limits and would never drink Strohs out of the can but I don't see the point in paying five dollah for some fancy-dancy German beer when this country makes a damned fine product for which this humble blog is named.
Pale ale, special dark brew, founder's island ancient lager, it's all the same bitter-tasting overpriced yuppie crap to me.
I wonder if this is because they have curried favor with the Big Cheese or whether they are dipping into the holy water on the sly.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
81.9 billion dollars.
I think I might be willing to donate two thirds of my salary toward that figure and hell I would even vote Republican if Bush would beg Congress for even half that amount for something like say, AIDS and cancer research, better public schools, decent government funded healthcare for those who need it.
Instead your and my tax dollars are going marching to war like good little soldiers. Pony up.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Therefore I joined my soon-to-be-abstinent Catholic friends for a Fat Tuesday pub crawl and wound up covered in Mardi Gras beads and overloaded with giant two-liter plastic tankards of cheap beer.
Today I am feeling as if an entire church full of Catholics has congregated in my head and is singing GLORY IN EXCELSIS DEEEO. MILLER YOU ARE NOT SO SMAAART-O. NEXT TIME SAVE IT FOR THE WEEEEEKEND.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Apparently the only solution for parents is to feed children a steady diet of cardboard and crack cocaine so as to avoid having a fat kid, because nobody loves a fat kid.
Monday, February 07, 2005
However I find that the tide has changed and I am now supposed to be interested in half-retarded coked up teenagers like the Olson twins, Lindsay Lohan, and Hillary Duff. I have never seen a movie featuring any of these little tartlets nor would I.
I could create a similar actress by pulling some hair out of my hairbrush, stuffing some toddler clothes with water balloons, and throwing in a Teddy Ruxpin voice box.
Come on, news media. Get your poop straight. The only people that really give a damn about these tots are young boys, older boys who have serious issues, older men who are taking far too much Viagra, and sadly disillusioned ladies who are desperately trying to look like the girls in order to impress all of the aforementioned boys.
It is a sad sad state of affairs when kids featured on the Disney channel are hogging all the press.
I don't care whether they are the most comfortable things you have ever owned, whether they have changed your life and made you find Jaaaay-sus, or whether you feel like you are walking on sunshine.
They are STILL UGLY. Do you hear me? They are STILL MOTHERFUCKING UGLY.
If you own them in pink, then they're stupid and ugly.
This has been a public service announcement from Miller, reminding you that cold weather is no excuse for dumb-ass shoes.
I forgot my password.
That's right folks, Miller is absent-minded and was too proud to ask Blogger for the damn thing until the urge became overwhelming MUST BLOG OH GOD MUST BLOG.
So here I am again, ready to regale my three readers with tales of life in the big city. I hope you have been well. I notice that the fine comments people have deleted most of my comments and for that I would like to flip them the bird.
Miller would like you to know that she is not in any way affiliated with Miller Lite or Miller Brewing Company, although she does enjoy their fine product and would be more than happy to accept free samples in lieu of payment for her endorsement.